Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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