Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
