Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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