dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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