and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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