Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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