In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
