my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
