that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
