no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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