I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
