i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
