two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
