So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
