Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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