I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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