I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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