Porn is love you can see.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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