Nicole vs. Life
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
