Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
