he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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