from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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