What did we do last night that was yellow?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
