I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
