tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I came so hard my ears popped.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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