Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
