i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
