I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
