You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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