I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
