He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize