Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
