hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
being pregnant is like rehab
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
