He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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