Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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