so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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