Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
