I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
being pregnant is like rehab
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
