you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm sobbing to NWA
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
