gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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