I want to walk on stilts...naked
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
