I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he thought i was a dude.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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