Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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