I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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