You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
