Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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