so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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