I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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