I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
