How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
