It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
