Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
