just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
