Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
