We're like a lot better than the average bears
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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