i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I could fuck to npr.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
