He kissed a someone with a penis
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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