i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
