I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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