He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't put those talents on a resume
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
