heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
