I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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