Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize