Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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