u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
