Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
