i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
