just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
