Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
