o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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